Wednesday, February 28, 2007

|6:04 PM|

Bio psy is driving me crazy!! A real killer subject...I'm begining to think that stats is better than this...maybe because the lecturer in stats gives us a study guide so we have something to fall back upon...


As if biology and psychology on their own aren't bad enough...

biology + psychology = havoc + information overload!

How can people actually remember this much of information? 6 chapters in total for the coming exam and I'm already half dead...


The one thing so damn frustrating about the subject are the weird terms that we have to memorize...like anthropomorphism...huh?? And how are we suppose to differentiate chemical terms like chlorpromazine, clozapine and clomipramine?? I can't even pronounce them properly let alone being able to memorize and differentiate between them!


And this is just a 300-level course...I'll hate to see myself when I'm taking a 400-level course...


However, I do not deny that bio psy can be pretty interesting at times. Do you know that there are species who can actually change their sex with the presence of some hormone? (not applicable to humans of course). Also alligators' sex aren't determined during conception. Their sex is determined by the temperature during the period of incubation. Cooler temperature would result in a female and warmer temperature, a male! Interesting huh? There was also a chapter on people's IQ and why it differs from one another. What factors lead to the difference in IQ among humans? A rather controversial (maybe even taboo) subject but a very interesting one. But of course, in between the interesting topics, many boring ones come...like learning about neurons, synapses and action potentials...bleuks...okay...i shall get back to studying then...

-cm-

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Monday, February 26, 2007

|8:53 AM|

Okay...finally I have 'some' time to settle down abit and relax so thought I'll post what the past few days have been like to me...so here goes...
It all started on Thursday night when I had some exercises to do for the next day. So I went back to my room after dinner and started to work on those exercises. Unfortunately, the subject was statistics (data analysis and research methods) and here are the equations:

Math = numbers + calculation = Statistics

Car Mun + Math = disaster

So I went on to do those exercises and as I looked at the 1st question, my heart started to beat faster and I started to panic. You see, I had jazz exam the next day as well so I had to finish up my stats quickly in order to be able to study jazz after that. However, once again it's stats and stats = math so obviously I had a difficult time. I tried and tried and got so frustrated that I decided to give up and try it again the next day after my jazz exam. So I studied my jazz, listen to the jazz cd (part if the exam consists of being able to recognize some jazz tunes) and went to bed. The next morning, I got up, switched on my laptop and started to check my emails before going for a shower. And guess what? My jazz lecturer emailed all of us to tell us that the exam was postponed to Monday because the hall that our class was held in had some audition thing going on! I was so mad!! I had to panic the night before because I thought there was going to be an exam the next day and now I have 3 exams instead of 2 the following week! I was so frustrated and felt as if someone was playing games with me. So I went to drown myself in the showers. After that, I decided to do my stats calculations and guess what? it took me 2...yes TWO freaking hours to solve ONE calculaiton question! I knew I was Math dumb but that was bad!! Again, another thing to add to my frustrations...But I did manage to get them done at a later date...greatest thanks to Darren for showing me the solution that was so simple I could have killed myself...and also to Lay Poh who taught me how to use my own calculator...now you know how bad I am...
The following days were the weekends and that was when I planned to devote my time to stats (going to have the exam on Mon or Tues). We have a list of terms and essay questions to study for and so I logged on to Blackboard to check for the terms and to go through all of them. When I got to my stats page and clicked on the edu exercises (that's what it's called), a sign came out saying 'System Error'...you cannot imagine my face...I was mortified!! And the system was not fixed until Sunday night so you could imagine my panicking and despair...so yea...so much for the end of the week and my weekends. I thought they are supposed to be the days that most people are looking forward to...Guess it's not that time for me yet!

-cm-

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|10:38 PM|

Sighz...as if learning music wasn't hard enough...memorizing it is even harder!! In the midst of studying my 'History of American Jazz' right now and feeling a little frustrated so thought I'll just release some of my frustrations here...

It's so annoying to have to remember countless names and characteristics that have totally no importance whatsoever to me...seems like a waste of time and mental resources...but I took the subject and therefore I shall have to deal with the consequences...

How in the world do they expect you to remember so many freaking names?? Haven't they heard of the term 'confusion'? And how many of us would actually bother remembering these terms and people after we've sat for the exams and passed the course? Actually this applies to many other required subjects that I feel sometimes are a total waste of time...

These two weeks are freaking stressful weeks for me. I have an exam this Friday and two exams next week as well as a paper due on the same day as one of my exams next week. Arrgh!! That's the thing about studying here in the US...it might not be as tough as in Malaysia (am I speaking too soon?) but there are assignments to hand in and exams to sit for every single week!! And it's killing me!! How am I going to take 15 credit hours in fall?? I really am wondering right now...Please God...let me get through these two weeks...

-cm-

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|4:47 PM|

Okay...a totally RANDOM entry here...taking a break from studying my bio psychology so I thought I'll just post some of my thoughts here...
My 2nd month in here and only now do i dare to take out my Esprit watch (given by my parents) to wear. It's a beautiful, absolutely GORGEOUS watch...priced around RM375 (somewhere around there) and it's NOT scratch-proof; which is the main reason why I do not dare to wear it often, especially in this weather where I have to be wearing and taking off my gloves all the time. Now the weather is getting warmer (thank goodness!!) so I've worn it a few times and that feeling of 'I-know-I-have-this-watch, I-know-it's-mine-but-I-still-want-it-bad!!' comes back to me. So I really have to give my greatest, biggest thanks to my parents again for this rather random and unexpected gift...I love it sooo much and I love you both alot too! Can't wait to go back home and eat mum's cooking again...haha...ok I shall stop here...told you this was random...

-cm-

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|1:09 PM|

Today is officially the first day of CNY here in Nebraska, US (due to the time difference from Malaysia...). This is my first CNY away from home and definitely wouldn't be the last. Back home, I think I have taken CNY celebrations for granted. Every year, me and my family would be doing the same thing for CNY. On CNY eve, we would go over to my grandma's place (dad's side) for dinner and then we would go jalan-jalan in Petaling Street since my grandma's place is in KL. On the first day of CNY, we would go to the same grandma's place for brunch/lunch and we would meet up my mum's side grandma and my aunt's family (together with my cute lil' cousins) and would go visiting to other relative's places. On the second day, we would go for brunch/lunch at my grandma's place (mum's side) and from there, we would go to pay our respects to my grandfather (who has passed on) and then go visiting again. We would visit other relatives and friends on this day. I think I have taken this routine for granted as each year I would complain that it is 'boring' and the sun during this period of time would be unbearably scorchingly hot. Now that I'm here, I realize that CNY celebrations actually has played a bigger role in my life then I have thought. When I hear about the plans my family has, I realized that I actually miss them and miss home very much, especially on this very occassion. Not to mention the amount of good food and ang paos that I am missing!! Sighz...this actually teaches me a very good lesson to appreciate things around us and not take things for granted. There's not much of a CNY mood or celebration around here as it's a small town and there's no China Town here or whatsoever...I've never had such a quiet CNY before but I guess I have to get use to this...Man I can't wait for summer so that I can go home! But I guess I'm dealing with this pretty well...or at least that's what I would like to think so!

-cm-

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|6:52 PM|

What does it take

For someone to understand

That I can't be a fake

Pretending to hold your hand

What does it take

For me to show

That it was not a mistake

But an experience we should know

What does it take

For a person to heal

To forget and remake

A life that is new

What does it take

For me to cry

To show it's not my make

For things I don't want to lie

What does it take

For someone who loves me so

To understand this now

And just let me go...

-cm-

Feb'07

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|5:09 PM|

Today, I am really, utterly disgusted. Is everything just about money here? Or maybe it has always been this way everywhere...Okay this is what happened...I went to get my ENL102 validated today and yes there is this new policy that states that all international and transfer students need to have either ENGL150 or 151 (UNL courses) in order to get other English courses validated. I understood that perfectly well. The thing is I already have got my ENL101 transfered as ENGL150 so any sane, logical person would know that ENL101 = ENGL150 since the university had already transfered it as that for me. So I went to Andrews Hall and meet that lady. I told her I already have a course transfered as ENGL150 therefore I want to transfer my other English course (ENL102). Guess what she said? Apparently, we have to take the English course in the university itself to be entitled for validation of other English courses. Isn't that ridiculous?? I mean if the university has already transfered my ENL101 as ENGL150, wouldn't that mean that technically the university has already decided that it is acceptable to be equivalent to the ENGL150 that they offer?? Why do I have to take it again? Why do I have to waste my time and money to take another stupid English course?? Oh wait...I know why...of course it's money! So obvious isn't...ever since I've been here, all I ever notice about this place is money, money and money...That day I went to the admin building to get my fees paid and apparently they do not have the facilities to deal with credit card payment and so I have to do it online. Guess what I found out online? They charge a 2% convenience fee for paying using the credit card online! Oh wow...no wonder they don't accept credit card payment in the admin building itself! At times like these, I really feel so upset and disgusted. I mean what is the reasoning behind all these? And for the English classes, apparently some international students can't write in English...so does this mean that it applies to ALL international students?? That's just so degradatory on all of us who can! People always have this misconception that Malaysians can't speak or write in good English just because English isn't our native language. Like they even know that I grew up with English all my life!! I speak English better then I speak my own mother tongue! And I have grades and scores to prove that I am worthy of being exempted from taking anymore English courses. Sighz...I guess this is just another one of those days...Let's hope that tmr will be a better day...

-cm-

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|6:31 PM|

Just got of the skyping session with mel...talked for more then 3hrs and still not done talking!! Alot of things are going through transformations now...sighz...makes me really wonder how things will be when I get back to Malaysia...
I really miss Malaysia alot...I miss my family and friends and lately, flashes of shopping malls in Malaysia like Pyramid, 1U, KLCC, The Curve has been going through my head! I miss going out to the movies, miss SHOPPING!! Can't wait to go back and shop!! And yes mel, I miss those sprees where we do 'stupid' stuff...hehe...
Thinking back of all the things that has happened, I realize that God works in strange and mysterious ways. Some things happen just when you never expect it too. Things be it that you want them to happen or you don't. It's also shocking to know that sometimes people can just change really easily. One minute you think that you know them, that they are nice and stuff and the next minute they turn their back on you or they change towards the way that they treat you. I have gone through certain 'phases' of this before...having a best friend snatched away from me by someone whom I thought I knew and that was painful...but that was the past and I really hope that something like that will never happen to me again...
Oh and today is Valentine's Day...not much of a day for someone single like me but oh well...at least I have my friends around...oh yea and a big thank you for the gifts that I have received...You know who are lerz..Don't want to mention names here...Both me and lay poh are thankful...lol...besides that not much of a day for me...going to have a floor dinner later...ahaha. As a last note, thanks mel, for being there for me when I needed you most...the drama and the emo earlier on...lol...K then, signing off now...

-cm-

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|11:04 AM|

It's been already 1 month plus since I came here to US...oh for those of u who doesn't know about my whereabouts, well I'm in Lincoln-Nebraska, US now studying in University of Nebraska-Lincoln. I came here about a month ago, reached here on December 31st 2006...and now it's already February 10th 2007...time sure passes really fast...In fact, I still cannot believe that I'm here! When I first started the American Degree Program, I never can imagine that I would be going abroad to study, let alone to a far place like US! Even though I know taking that program meant coming here later on, I just couldn't see that far ahead...And suddenly 2 years just passed like that and voila, I'm here!
It's really scary the way time passes so fast...sometimes I wish I could stay 18 forever...in my opinion that's one of the best age to live in...LOLX! It's like there's not really much responsibilities except for excelling in you studies. But once when you reach adulthood and have completed your studies, all the other worries start coming in...you'll have to worry about taking care of yourself and your parents...and if you have other younger siblings like I do, you'll have to worry about them too! You have to be financially stable to do alot of things in life and that, of course, is the most worrying part!!
Anywayz, as I said, I still cannot believe that I'm here. The first few weeks when I was here, whenever I woke up from my sleep, I would be thinking, 'Why am I here? Aren't I suppose to be home on my bed?' and after a few seconds I realize that I'm in my dorm...sad huh...When I'm bathing at times, I start to think, 'Wow, this is really happening isn't? I'm really here!'...
You see, I've been kind of dependant and a little spoiled all my life...I have parents that love me very much, a sister whom I know loves me but sometimes act like nothing (LOL!!) and I have a maid at home to do everything for me!! All my life I grew up in a household where studies are my first priority and nothing else. I've never done chores in my entire life believe it or not. I've never washed my own clothes, iron them or wash my own shoes...I've never mop or sweep the floor, never washed any dishes (okay maybe I have but not at home). So I can you can see what a 'princess' life I've been living...but now coming here I have to adapt and learn to do things myself. I wash my own clothes and fold them (yes!!) and I vaccum my own room. All these things I've never done before and it's really showed me alot about responsibility...
As a last note, yes guys I miss you all very much! Especially my parents and my sister whom I've gotten close to only recently...we used to fight alot last time despite the 7-year age gap...LOL! Also my 3 cousins whom I'm close to, my aunt and uncle and my grandmother...And my friends back home...my childhood buddy suj, my all-time friend since primary school, dorin and most importantly, my confidante, mel..sighz...feel quite lost without an outlet channel so I have to turn to blogging! Hope I didn't bore you guys out!

-cm-

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|9:23 PM|

Have you guys ever been judged based on how you look or the things you do? I know I have been judged by that many, many times...
This comes specifically to those who have tattoos and piercings...what's wrong with having them? People tend to associate tattoos and piercings with 'gangsterism' and being 'naughty' and things like that...Why does it have to be that way? Can't it just be treated as a fashion statement? This is one of the reasons I got my tattoo and piercings...I want to show people that even though I have a tattoo and a navel piercing, doesn't mean that I'm a slacker or anything...I'm a filial daughter...I love and respect my parents...I love my family...I do not rebel against them...I am a good student...so what's the problem??
Just hope that I can change people's perception on this...no offense to anyone who does think this way about people with tattoos and piercings...yea some people tend to overdo them but hey it's their life...do not judge a person on that basis...you might find that these are actually the nicest people around! ^^

-cm-

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|11:20 PM|

Firstly, it's all thanks to my roomie lay poh for wanting to 'try' designing blogs for others...lol...
Secondly, another thanks to my sister for asking me to have a blog as well...
Thirdly, thanks to my sudden rush of feelings for wanting to 'write' things...
Besides that, hopefully I am able to keep this going...lol...of course for that I would need some amount of support from people...especially to those who call yourselves my friends (ehem)...
Let me think of what to post...when I feel like it, I will do so...
Just a few things to get started with..first of all the url of my blog as you all would have noticed is 'cmsueno'...cm is my initials and sueno means dreams in Spanish...so basically it's like 'car mun's dreams...'
Next, the title of my blog 'Of Dreams & Reality...' Ever wondered what would happen if things were different from the way they are/were? Well, sometimes I do get mixed up and confused between dreams and reality and so this blog represents my hopes, dreams, feelings, emotions, bla bla bla...
I think one main reason why I started this is because I need an outlet for my feelings and all since now that I have left my comfort zone in Malaysia and have to start a new life in US...I no longer have my confidante here with me (mel, if you're reading this, yes it's you...) and things just get real rough sometimes so I guess I need an outlet and this blog will serve that purpose...
As a last note, thanks to everyone for stopping by!

-cm-

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